Parenting has never been easy especially for
the working mothers. Today, women are turning out in large numbers in the work force due
to economic necessity. The society may accept the idea of a career woman, but will not
excuse them from duties as career moms. Women are not allowed to compromise on home life.
Making the decisions
First of all, it is very necessary to make priorities clear.
a) Whether family comes first or career
b) Whether one is happy leaving the child with a maid or any other family member.
c) Whether one will miss out on the child's grow me up years.
d) Whether one will be able to cope with pressure of a high stress job and the demands of
e) Whether the current salary of your husband would be enough to live on once the baby
f) Whether one could take up a part time work or a flexi hour work to provide equal
attention to family and work
Spending quality time with your child
Many a times, you hear people say its not the quantity but quality that matters. What is
quality parenting time ? Quality parenting time is time spent relating to your child in
passive as well as active ways and something that a loving responsive mother who spends a
lot of time would provide. You'll know if you are succeeding - Does your baby seem content
? Does he smile and laugh ? Of the answer is yes, he's getting quality time.
The following steps can be taken into account to see that the time is well spent with your
a) Involve your baby : While doing the chores, make him / her participate with you, e.g.
putting away groceries
b) Discuss about your day and his / her day : This will ensure that you are communicating
c) Act Natural : No need to be a super mom and fill your baby every minute with
d) Give your house a short shift : Devote less time to matters that matter less. Take
shortcuts in dinner preparation.
e) Tune out distraction : Save T.V watching, making phone calls after your baby's asleep.
It is said that if parenthood is a
responsibility grandparenthood is the reward.
Grandparents have best of all worlds - they can have the joy of spoiling a baby without
the misery of living with the consequences. However, there should be some sensible
guidelines agreed by all.
Occasional grandparents : Those who see their baby once or twice a year tend to indulge a
bit more, and spoil or pamper them - its okay once in a while.
Wider latitude can be given to grandparents whose longitude is distant from yours.
However, grandparents who live in the same house, to spoil a baby makes life miserable not
only for the parents in the long run but for the baby too. Some leeway in areas of lesser
consequences need to be allowed even to close by grandparents.
Is it a competition " Parenting v/s Grandparenting "
What's right in baby care, as in almost any other area changes from generation to
generation. Our parents may have not many things that will be expected to do for our
children and vice versa. There is no hard and fast rules for parenting.
Sometimes grandparents may disagree on the way the baby is being brought up and may
interfere in the upbringing. If you disagree on an issue, explain your view point. They
may come around when you talk about or atleast understand why you feel the way you do.
Even if they don't, your relationship will be better if you are open and share your
feeling and thoughts rather than bottling them up.
At times, the expertise that grandparents bring with them is irreplaceable. There is
always something to be learned from their experience. Rare is the family in which there
aren't occasional clashes between the generations on the subject of child rearing. To
minimize the impact of intergenerational clashes on all 3 generations involved.
1. Encourage family togetherness : Upto a point grandparents should get an equal
opportunity to spend time with their grandchild.
2. Accept that there will be disagreements : Just keep in mind when it comes to making the
decision about child rearing - the child's parents are entitled to the final word. Be
clear and firm about this but diplomatic. Tell them you're always willing to hear their
3. Be flexible : Allow grandparents some latitude. As long as the issues are not major.
4. Don't take offence : Its not easy to accept unsolicited advice gracefully. Accept it
for what it hopefully is - well meaning advice from someone who cares.
5. Educate Grandparents : Child care and health care practice have changed.
Trauma of Divorce : Nothing makes a child
feel more secure than a secure relationship between her parents and nothing make her feel
more loved than seeing that her parents care about each other.
Living in an atmosphere filled with anger, acrimony and accusations isn't good for a child
but neither for that matter, is divorce. Children often become pawns in the game
one-upmanship that often accompanies divorce proceedings. Children are probably the most
affected by a divorce. It can be truly traumatic for them. At times they find themselves
torn between their parents.
Effects on a child : It is difficult to predict how a child would react to his parents
divorce. Some children have enduring problems that haunt them in adulthood. Some
toddlerhood's most notorious characteristics may seem accentuated by the separation - such
as temper tantrums, irrationality, negativity, aggression. At times your toddler may have
sleep disturbances and fears of going to sleep. Your toddler may refuse to allow you to go
to work in fear of losing you. Others gain strength from having gone through the ordeal.
Children often have a difficult time with transitions of any kind - leaving friends and
going out of town, leaving a game for lunch can spark fears or temper. A transition as
major as a divorce could have a significant effect on them.