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JOKES


When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat ?
When your a mouse !


Doctor, Doctor I've lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Pasture !
Pasture who ?
Pasture bedtime isn't it !


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Nana !
Nana who ?
Nana you business !



Knock Knock
Who's there !
Noah !
Noah who ?
Noah don't know who you are either


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Harry !
Harry who ?
Harry up and answer this door !


What trees do ghouls like best ?
Ceme-trees !
Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns ?
Because they're dead centres !


Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
He had no body to go with !


What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings ?
Lazy bones !


What happens if you see twin witches ?
You won't be able to see which witch is witch !


Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Father: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !


Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between


How do you prevent a Summer cold ?
Catch it in the Winter !


What is the best day of the week to sleep ?
Snooze-day !


While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.
His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."


A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each
kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with
the rest. These are great:
As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
No News Is... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust.. Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow
Your Nose.
Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.


Why did the boy bring toilet paper to the birthday party?
Because he's a party pooper


Did you hear the joke about the fart?
you don't want to, it stinks!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!


Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no body to go with!


What two letters of the alphabet contain nothing?
MT


Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in High School!


Little Monster: Should I eat my fries with my fingers?
Mom Monster: No, you should eat them separately!


Walter : Doctor, doctor, I feel like an electric wire
Doctor : How shocking.


Man at restaurant : Do you serve crabs ?
Waiter : Please sit down, we serve everybody


Mr. Black : My wife is an angel.
Mr. Smith : Really ? Mine is still alive.


Sam : My dad is a great hunter. He goes to Australia to shoot polar bears
John : There are no polar bears in Australia.
Sam : Ok, then my dad must have shot all of them.


My favourite animal was the essay topic given in school. Rita wrote :
My favourite animal is a zebra. It is actually a horse behind bars.
Teacher : Who did your homework for you
Student : My father did it.
Teacher : All by himself.
Student : No way, I had to help him.


Question asked in exam : What is the best way to prevent infection caused by biting insects.
Student's answer : Don't bite any.

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